Home now
It's now Wednesday morning and I am ready to share the events that have transpired since Saturday the 28th. I know so many of you have been checking frequently to see how things are going, but I have needed a few days before I could update you on what has happened up til this point. Since we have been sharing this here, so many of you have been going through this ordeal with us and it has meant the world to us. We know that your prayers have helped us get through this and for your love, prayers, and support, we can't thank you enough.
After being in hard labor for over 48 hours, Chelle began to push around 4:30 Saturday morning. With the help of Dr. Tejani and the lovely nurse Daniella, she pushed for over two and half hours, but was making no progress. Finally, the Dr. and the nurse went out in the hall to confer then came back to say it wasn't working and its time for plan b. They gave us the choice of using the vacuum and forcepts or performing a C-section. They attached a sensor to Isaac's head to monitor his heartbeat, and although it was very weak, it was still beating. We needed to know that we were doing everything possible to save the life our child, so we decided to operate. This was a difficult decision to make because the Dr. did not seem to display any positive outcome for Isaac and the last 3 hours had been very painful for Chelle.
They brought me a paper surgery outfit to put on and then rollled Chelle away. A nurse was going to come back and get me when it was time. About twenty minutes later, they came for me. I was seated on a stool by Chelle's head and allowed to hold her hand and keep her calm. She was breathing through an oxygen mask and was very drugged. As I was holding her hand, I could feel her body being moved around violenty as the doctors worked on her. Through her drugged state she was complaining that she was feeling things, so they gave her even more drugs. (Chelle had them stop the epidural drip earlier during labor so she could have more ability to push, even though it was very painful for her)
At 8:06am they got Isaac out and although I was trying not to look at the surgery going on, I could definitely tell that they were removing him. I held my breath until the doctor came over to me and informed me that there was no audible heartbeat. They gave me the option to go over and see the baby, but I chose to stay where I was and continued to hold tighlty onto my wife. A few minutes later they took me from the surgery room anyway. I was taken back to my folks to tell them our sad news and they called Chelle's parents who were driving to the airport to fly out here.
The next few minutes seemed longer than the previous three days since all I could do was pace the hallway until they finally rolled Chelle back into the room. Waiting for Chelle to return really scared me. The thoughts of possibly loosing her were so unbearable, that I couldn't take the few minutes of uncertainty.
Our doctor explained to us that Isaac had been stuck so badly and no amount of pushing would have moved him further. It was a good thing we had chose a C-section, since attempting to remove him with forcepts could have damaged Chelle even further and they would still have had to do a C-section after all. I can tell you now, that if the Doctor and nurse had not made us make a decision to try something different when they did, my beautiful and determined wife would still be there pushing. She is such a trooper and a fighter!!!
Chelle was out of it the rest of Saturday. Only waking up for very brief moments to look at me and see that I was still there by her side. Saturday night Butch and Betty arrived and fortunately Chelle was awake when they got to the hospital. Betty opted to stay with Chelle in the room that night so I could go home, shower and sleep. It was awful being apart!
Sunday Chelle and I saw our little boy. Initally, we didn't want to name him or have to make a decision with what to do with his tiny body. One just cannot describe how difficult it is to be faced with these decisions - hopefully none of us will have to face this again. We sought the counsel of others to get through what seemed like the hardest choices we would ever have to make. Even though it was excrutiatingly painful, we are very glad we can say that we won't look back on this time with regret. Chelle thought he looked like me and I saw her in his little face. We held him together and sobbed. We prayed over his little body, but were very aware that his soul was in heaven and he was in peace. He would have had many challenges to overcome and would have spent a long time in the hospital had he survived. Now he is able to rest and we are able to put our lives back together one day at a time.
Although, we were supposed to remain in the hospital until Wednesday, Chelle chose to come home Monday afternoon. We attempted to create an oasis for her back at the house, with a new backyard patio set and her dad hung her favorite porch swing. (I'll take pictures and post soon.)
Also, when Chelle came home we had both sets of wonderful parents plus the puppies to give her the best possible care.
The last few days have been the hardest Chelle and I have ever had to go through. This certainly isn't what we expected. You have all been so great to have in our lives even if it was only through comments left on the blog. Just to know that you were praying and caring for us has made a huge impact. We have been reunited with friends from far away and other amazing things have happened during this time.
Chelle and I had hoped that no matter what happened, that God would be glorified. We prayed that believers' faith would be strengthened and that unbelievers would see God through all this. We cannot be sure how God worked through our son Isaac to impact your lives, but I know that Chelle and I have continued to build our faith and we feel even closer to each other, our family and God through our son's brief time here. We hope you do to.
Lastly, let me just say, Chelle and I know so many of you want to talk about this with us on the phone. Please give us time to grieve and figure out how we feel. It is great to recieve comments here, and emails. But if you choose to call us, please know we are simply not ready to discuss this at this time. I have been very candid on the blog in hopes to keep everyone informed and as close to us as possible. Chelle and I feel we have all been sharing in this experience together and we recognize that it is hard for all of us! No one has all of the answers, there simply are none. Please respect our wishes to look to the positives in this situation. We have one another, we have our faith and we have our future to look forward to!
We need you all to know that we love you so very much and treasure having you as friends. Thank you for allowing us to discuss this difficult time when we are prepared and not until we decide that time has come.
